An Observation: “Real” Ice Cream

This is an ice cream sandwich.

I couldn’t seem to wait five whole seconds to take a bite.

It’s no ordinary ice cream sandwich, though.

Nope, according to the box, it’s made with real ice cream. REALLY, REALLY, REAL ICE CREAM.

Naturally, this claim made me pause and think.

Does the fact that it’s branded as real ice cream mean that ice cream is a naturally occurring substance? I’m envisioning a breed of dairy cow indigenous to the Arctic Circle producing frozen milk (and somehow producing refined sugar and vanilla–naturally–at the same time).

It’s an udderly preposterous idea.

cow GIF

I don’t know that I’ve ever had fake ice cream, although the cows should be happy to know that I’ve been carrying authentic imitation leather handbags around much longer than I’d care to admit.

Still, what constitutes real? In the simplest terms of the word, if it exists, then it’s real. Perhaps it’s a tool the company used as confirmation that consumers aren’t imagining things; however, I don’t suspect that too many ice cream marketers are terribly concerned with their customers having existential questions about their product. (Granted, if you leave one of their ice cream sandwiches out in the heat for a few minutes, the ice cream part won’t exist for very long.) I know that I don’t tend to get too philosophical in the frozen foods section. My overriding feeling in the frozen foods section is guilt and shame with each sugary box o’ goodness I pile into the cart. Matter of fact, that’s my overriding feeling during the entire grocery shopping experience.

shopping GIF

Nothing like overthinking a snack. For real.